I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
