dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
