Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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