Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
