No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
