I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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