Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
