five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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