I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
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Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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