Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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