Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
