Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
