what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
