Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just invented taco cereal.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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