ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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