we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
