i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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