I just cut my nipple shaving
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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