so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
