Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
