Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
