so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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