it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Im part way to drunk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
