Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
