He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
