You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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