i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize