God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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