I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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