I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
