she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
