I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize