I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just high enough for therapy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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