the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
