so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
