my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
