I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
this is an emotional support booty call
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
