dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
