Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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