If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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