my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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