i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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