Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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