She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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