I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
