You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
