Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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