But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
