I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Randomize
