well you can't waste a boner
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
