Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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