i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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