I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
