So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it was like eating out sand paper
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
