I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
