went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
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Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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