It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
