first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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