I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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