I love black thongs
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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