**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
barbara walters just said penis...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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