just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
