i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
someone owes me an orgasm
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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