I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Help. Why am I so naked?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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