you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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