My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
