I want to have your abortion
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
