New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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