Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just google imaged poop.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
time to smoke my breakfast
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
