I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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