I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
