Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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