i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
