I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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