At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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