If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
