i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
